You Won’t See This in Sochi!!
The Final Tails of Valhalla Basin Winter Galactic Olympics
Running alongside the renowned cosmic Galactic Winter Olympics are the equally well renowned Space Galactic Dog Trials. The enthusiastic and well-informed interstellar tourist will undoubtedly have ensured their place at the Opening Ceremony on Io –the fiery, sulphuric neighbour of Europa’s Icewolves glittering world of ice; home to the magnificent and mysterious Firewolves of Io, creatures as wild and fiery as the stunning sulphur volcanoes erupting in explosive abandon throughout their moon-world, their presence at the trials opening ceremony guaranteed a truly alien dimension to this un-missable cosmic K9 event.
Entertainment abounds at this time of the Galactic Winter Olympics both for the 2-legged thrill seeker and also for the 4-legged K9 variety:
Great for Galactic Olympic tourists who enjoy basking in a slightly warmer environment than is offered by the outer planets of the galaxy where the Winter Olympics are taking place.
- K9 Cross-country Tandoori Chicken Tracking – across the Van Eyck Formation (Mountain ranges on Mercury).
- Morning jogging –lose 50-60lbs, watch the awesome double sunrises and relax in the evenings and lay down to get great views of the other planets.
- Mercury’s Polar Ice Caps which offer wonderfully strange and bizarre views to thrill and tantalise the senses of even the most hardened galactic tourist.
- Roast marsh mallows whenever you like without worrying about nasty gases polluting the environment.
Don’t forget the sunglasses and shorts!! And definitely don’t forget the sunscreen! Factor 1000000!
Arrive here at light speed – about 2 minutes. Arrive by snail transport – 5 months – from Earth/Sochi. But no need to worry about sunburn – sun blocked out by clouds.
- 1. Lose weight in the natural outdoor saunas (460 degrees – hottest in Solar System – 40,000,00m closer to the sun).
- 2. Shower in the rain afterwards or for the more adventurous enjoy a Venutian mud bath.
- 3. Visit the mind bogglingly huge Maxwell Montes volcanoes – a Venutian star attraction for any galactic tourist, and pop down to Maat Mons’s frozen lava rivers.
- 4. Hi speed cooking – dinner will be cooked in less than one minute so no need to pack the microwave.
Don’t forget the 100000 bottles of sunscreen factor and the 100+ towels! You and your equipment will erode very quickly in Venus’s yellow skied, highly toxic, corrosive atmosphere 🙂 So cover everything up well and check it’s safety certified and insured!
Mars Dog Agility-Black Wolves of Mars
1. Labyrinthis Noctis- The Labyrinth of the Night-(Maze-like channels on Mars)
2. Visiting Mars for the Martian gemstone medal ceremonies if you’re not too dazzled by the glinting opals you may be lucky enough to spot the Black Wolves of Mars!
- Or if you prefer the views there, hop across to the Martian Polar Caps for the K9 Curling Finals.
- K9Flyball – High energy, high speed K9 sport – fun for all the family!
- Sled Dog Racing across Valhalla Basin and Asgard Crater
- Flying Disk dog Sports – Eye-catching, spectacular displays of teamwork and athletics.
Saturn’s mysterious frozen, cloud covered world where methane acts like water on Earth and methane oceans lap its shores.
- Freestyle and Heelwork to music.
- Ring rock hopping in this beautiful and exotic zero-gravity playground.
- Ring walking in zero gravity.
Saturn’s bright, white, low gravity, snowy moon with erupting ice plumes shooting into the sky – floats back to the surface as snow.
2. Great hop scotch attraction so long as no one lands too hard and disappears down an ice crevasse!
Uranus’s Moon Miranda – Bison Staring Stand-Offs
The star attraction of the Uranian system with its very own Grand Prix racetrack features in the form of a variety of concentric “coronae” ranging from smooth curving corners, to sudden sharp turns – great work-out for Canicross fans.
- 1. Canicross-dog powered running where the dog takes you for a run attached by harness and shock absorbing line.
- 2. Skijoring -Skiing behind dogs on the huge cliffs towering far into the Mirandian sky.
3. Bison Staring Stand-offs; low gravity float-downs when you lose your staring stand-off and they butt you off the edge of a cliff, have their own unique thrills – and the views are cosmic! And the kids will love it!