You Won’t See This in Sochi!!

The Final Tails of Valhalla Basin Winter Galactic Olympics

Running alongside the renowned cosmic Galactic Winter Olympics are the equally well renowned Space Galactic Dog Trials. The enthusiastic and well-informed interstellar tourist will undoubtedly have ensured their place at the Opening Ceremony on Io –the fiery, sulphuric neighbour of Europa’s Icewolves glittering world of ice; home to the magnificent and mysterious Firewolves of Io, creatures as wild and fiery as the stunning sulphur volcanoes erupting in explosive abandon throughout their moon-world, their presence at the trials opening ceremony guaranteed a truly alien dimension to this un-missable cosmic K9 event.

Entertainment abounds at this time of the Galactic Winter Olympics both for the 2-legged thrill seeker and also for the 4-legged K9 variety:

Mercury Tandoori Chicken Tracking Trials

Great for Galactic Olympic tourists who enjoy basking in a slightly warmer environment than is offered by the outer planets of the galaxy where the Winter Olympics are taking place.

1. K9 Cross-country Tandoori Chicken Tracking – across the Van Eyck Formation (Mountain ranges on Mercury).
2. Morning jogging –lose 50-60lbs, watch the awesome double sunrises and relax in the evenings and lay down to get great views of the other planets.
3. Mercury’s Polar Ice Caps which offer wonderfully strange and bizarre views to thrill and tantalise the senses of even the most hardened galactic tourist.
4. Roast marsh mallows whenever you like without worrying about nasty gases polluting the environment.

Warning!

Don’t forget the sunglasses and shorts!! And definitely don’t forget the sunscreen! Factor 1000000!

Venus Piri Piri Chicken Pursuit Events

Arrive here at light speed – about 2 minutes. Arrive by snail transport – 5 months – from Earth/Sochi. But no need to worry about sunburn – sun blocked out by clouds.

1. 1. Lose weight in the natural outdoor saunas (460 degrees – hottest in Solar System – 40,000,00m closer to the sun).
2. 2. Shower in the rain afterwards or for the more adventurous enjoy a Venutian mud bath.
3. 3. Visit the mind bogglingly huge Maxwell Montes volcanoes – a Venutian star attraction for any galactic tourist, and pop down to Maat Mons’s frozen lava rivers.
4. 4. Hi speed cooking – dinner will be cooked in less than one minute so no need to pack the microwave.

Warning!

Don’t forget the 100000 bottles of sunscreen factor and the 100+ towels! You and your equipment will erode very quickly in Venus’s yellow skied, highly toxic, corrosive atmosphere 🙂 So cover everything up well and check it’s safety certified and insured!

Mars Dog Agility-Black Wolves of Mars

                                                          

1. Labyrinthis Noctis- The Labyrinth of the Night-(Maze-like channels on Mars) 

• Martian Dog Agility Trials 

2. Visiting Mars for the Martian gemstone medal ceremonies if you’re not too dazzled by the glinting opals you may be lucky enough to spot the Black Wolves of Mars!

Callisto – Valhalla Basin K9-Curling with Liver Cake

1. Or if you prefer the views there, hop across to the Martian Polar Caps for the K9 Curling Finals.
2. K9Flyball – High energy, high speed K9 sport – fun for all the family!
3. Sled Dog Racing across Valhalla Basin and Asgard Crater
4. Flying Disk dog Sports – Eye-catching, spectacular displays of teamwork and athletics.

 

Saturn’s Moon Titan – The Big Splash!

Saturn’s mysterious frozen, cloud covered world where methane acts like water on Earth and methane oceans lap its shores.

  1. K9Dock Jumping/Diving– The big splash! Dogs race down dock, fly off the end and into the methane oceans. Distance is the goal.

Saturn’s rings – Heelwork to Music

1. Freestyle and Heelwork to music.
2. Ring rock hopping in this beautiful and exotic zero-gravity playground.
3. Ring walking in zero gravity.

Encaladus – Dog Scootering for Kids

Saturn’s bright, white, low gravity, snowy moon with erupting ice plumes shooting into the sky – floats back to the surface as snow.

1. Dog Scootering behind dogs for kids amongst the erupting ice geysers.

2. Great hop scotch attraction so long as no one lands too hard and disappears down an ice crevasse!

Uranus’s Moon Miranda – Bison Staring Stand-Offs

The star attraction of the Uranian system with its very own Grand Prix racetrack features in the form of a variety of concentric “coronae” ranging from smooth curving corners, to sudden sharp turns – great work-out for Canicross fans.

1. 1. Canicross-dog powered running where the dog takes you for a run attached by harness and shock absorbing line.
2.                  
3. 2. Skijoring -Skiing behind dogs on the huge cliffs towering far into the Mirandian sky.

                                                 3. Bison Staring Stand-offs; low gravity float-downs when you lose your staring stand-off and they butt you off the edge of a cliff, have their own unique thrills – and the views are cosmic! And the kids will love it!

 

Callsito [Jupiter’s Moon] – Valhalla Basin

Valhalla Basin Winter Galactic Olympics Latest! (Events and Locations)

Galactic Olympic Wannabe?? Do You Have What It Takes?!!!

 

                                

As any self-respecting Galactic Olympic enthusiast will be very happily well aware, the 2014 Valhalla Basin Galactic Olympics is now in full swing. Meteoritic medals are being won, and a variety of arms and legs are in danger of being broken, along with a smattering of other appendages as brave and heroic Galactic athletes take breath-taking risks hurtling down icy bob sleigh runs and mind-blowing ski slopes, snowboarding at break-neck speeds on tiny little “tea trays.” 😉 and spinning gracefully around zero-gravity ice rinks to name but a few.

Naturally the hard-core Galactic Olympic enthusiast will have been overcome by an all-consuming desire to participate in these exciting, heart-stopping winter sports events…so where can you show off your finely honed skills?!! And what’s on offer for you excitable Galactic Olympian wannabes?!!! Look no further for all you need to know about the Galactic Winter Olympic Events and Locations!

Ice Events (Figure Skating, Ice Dancing and Short Track Speed Skating)

• Ice skating on the frosty bright-floored 360 km wide central basin.
• Snowboarding and hi-speed skating around the 8+ concentric frozen mountainous ridges

Asgard Crater

Nordic Events (X-country skiing and Ski Jumping) Snowboarding events

• X-country skiing around the multi ring structure
• Snowboarding jumps and ski jumping from the centrally-situated domed Doh impact crater dominating Asgard.
• The uneven terrain and tenuous CO2 atmosphere allows athletes to pull off some very impressive stunts during these events!

Europa [Jupiter’s Moon]:

 Skiing Events (Alpine and Freestyle) Nordic Event (Ski Jumping)

It should also be noted that skiing on Europa will involve:

• Slower acceleration when skiing downhill (Gravity compared to Earth’s, Mars <1/3, Europa <1/7, Moon 1/6)
• Bigger skis maybe necessary to help with turning
• Ski jumping will require longer ramps as there is less acceleration – no air resistance. No air at all in fact!
• Crashes and falls will not lead to lost marks as you will be dead!!!

Snowboarding:

• Naturally occurring ½ pipes stretching for 100s miles (caused by gravitational tides changing the shape of the surface)
• Tenuous atmosphere means no aerodynamic drag so snowboarders can stand tall going downhill, not the usual crouch. Steering is also easier.

Ice Event: Curling:

• Europa is ideal for this activity having the smoothest surface in the solar system.

WARNING!!

Radiation is very harsh on Europa; the result of dangerous belts of radiation from Jupiter’s planetary magnetosphere – the largest and most powerful in the Solar System. So don’t forget your radiation suit and iodine tablets! And remember! Snowboarding/skiing in lead lined radiation suits will provide an excellent muscle workout!

Martian Ice Caps:

Skiing Events and Ice Events: Bob sledding, Ice Hockey

                            

WARNING!!

Don’t forget your scarf! And remember Mar’s atmosphere is very thin so you don’t get any protection from the Sun’s energy bursts. You also don’t get to enjoy snowball fights on the Ice Caps – the atmosphere’s too weak and cold meaning snowballs can’t /hold together like they’re supposed to. And no! You can’t throw the ice; it’s very, very bad form!

A Martian Ice Cap sounds like the ideal skating rink but it is actually not that great for skating being cold and dark and snowing carbon dioxide. In fact it is probably better suited to Roller Skating!

Tethys [Saturn’s Moon] : Ithaca Chasm and Odysseus Crater:

All Nordic Events: X-country skiing and Biathlon

• Great valley named after Greek Island Ithaca and the country ruled by Odysseus in mythology.
• 100 km wide, 3-5 km deep and 2000km long running ¾ of the way round the circumference making it one of the longest valleys in the Solar System.
• Runs approximately concentric with the massive Odysseus Crater, located on the opposite side of Tethys
• Giant Impact Crater – Odysseus 400 km diameter is almost 2/5 of the whole of Tethys.

WARNING!!

Cold, airless and heavily cratered world! Surface temperature -187 degrees, very icy, and very reflective. Don’t forget the woolly scarf, thermal undies and snow/sun-glasses!!

Triton [Neptune’s Moon]:

Nordic Combi: Ski Jumping, X-Country Skiing, and Snowboarding

• Relatively flat, sparsely cratered surface with extensive ridges, troughs, furrows, plateaus and valleys, and icy, smooth volcanic plains
• Perfect for X-Country Skiing.
• Highly reflective polar caps consisting of nitrogen and methane.
• A great spot to catch Galactic Olympic Ski Jumping!
• Mounds and round pits formed by icy lava flows; long double ridges of ice with troughs in the middle.
• Particularly well suited to Cosmic Snowboarding events.

WARNING!!

To aid launch jumping Nitrogen-gas heated shoes for generating explosive puffs of gas when feet touch the ground, are strongly recommended for all competitors.

Crashing is not recommended!!

Sources:

space.com

solar system.nasa.gov

 

 

2014 Galactic Winter Olympics, officially the XXII Galactic Olympic Winter Games (22nd Galactic Winter Olympic Games)

Held at Valhalla Basin, Callisto (Jovian System).

2014 Valhalla Basin (Galactic Winter Olympics)

The main venue of the Galactic Winter Olympics, Valhalla Basin, (Hall of Odin or Hall of the Slain in Norse Mythology), is also a crater produced by an impacting meteor. It sports the largest multi-ring impact crater on both Callisto (Galilean moon of Jupiter, sister world of Europa) and within the Solar System.

Part of an extensive system in the Valhalla region Valhalla’s bright-floored central basin stretches across a diameter spanning 360 km. It is surrounded by at least eight concentric mountainous ridges, which resemble frozen rings of ghostlike ripples extending as far as 1,500 km from the basin’s central point.

• Valhalla Basin Highlights:
  • Ice skating on the frosty, bright-floored central basin.
  • Snowboarding and Hi-speed skating around the 8+ concentric frozen mountainous ridges.

West of Valhalla is Asgard, the second largest multi-ring impact crater on Jupiter’s moon Callisto. (Realm of the gods in Norse mythology)

• Asgard Crater Highlights:
  • X-country skiing around the multi ring structure.
  • Snowboarding jumps and ski jumping from the centrally-situated domed Doh impact crater dominating Asgard.

                   

The Galactic Olympic Village And Opening Ceremony

The Galactic Winter Olympic Torch is lit at Gale Crater on Mars, the host world of the Summer Galactic Olympics. The torch will be embedded with one of the infamous Martian gemstones, these glittering galactic opals marking the beginning of the renowned Solar System-wide Torch Relay.

 

On completion of its tour throughout our stunning and remarkable galaxy – The Milky Way, it will arrive on Callisto in time for the Opening Ceremony taking place at Valhalla Basin.

   

Please take note of the Crater you are heading for – the nearby Asgard Crater houses the 3-D Printed Galactic Olympic Village. It does NOT host the Galactic Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony where all those lovely super-hot and fit athletes will be hanging out! So you will not be able to sneak in any secret romantic liaisons during this time and you might just as well Bob sleigh yourself and your naughty and wicked ways right back to where you should have been in the first place – Valhalla Basin!! Now off you go…shoo!!

    Meteoritic Medals and Martian Gemstones

Medal events taking place on Mars on Valentine’s Day (14^th for the benefit of you forgetful male viewers – do not forget to buy something awesomely,

romantically special for the love of your life or they might never speak to you again!) will bring, for the lucky medal winners of that day, lovingly prepared Galactic Olympic medals embedded, in the spirit of this romantic day, with beautiful, heart-shaped Martian gemstones – cosmic Opals full of love and romance!

 

The anniversary of the Russian Chelyabinsk meteor event will be in Sochi, Russia on 15 February 2014. A total of seven gold medals are available to be won during the anniversary day’s medal events and each will contain fragments of the Chelyabinsk meteorite.

  

On this day fragments of Valhalla Basin the main venue of the Galactic Winter Olympics, (and also a crater produced by an impacting meteor, too many moons ago to remember, just in case you’ve forgotten already, or worse still, have only started reading from here… how rude!!!), will be embedded in medals for medal events taking place on Callisto, the most cratered moon in the galaxy, in recognition of and in respect to the Russian Chelyabinsk meteor event. ‘Team GB’s bronze medal win was a pretty awesome meteoritic achievement too!! >>>>>

Out With The Thermal Undies!

In With The Anti-Radiation Undies!!

As most people will realise even if they’re not particularly interested in realising, radiation levels near the infamous Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear plant site in Japan are still unsafe, but surprise, surprise, there have also been concerns that contaminated water might just, possibly, by some remote and wholly inexplicable chance 😉 be making its way out of the radio-active hot zone.

However, courtesy of the money grabbing on the back of the nuclear disaster, Japanese company, the Yamamoto Corporation an exciting new range of anti-radiation underwear and even swimsuits are now available to the intrepid N-plant worker and the slightly over-enthusiastic extreme tourist.

Anti-radiation Swimwear

Designed first and foremost for the Fukushima emergency workers still engaged in the unenviable and altogether far too hazardous job of cleaning up the plant, this flattering offering from Yamamoto Corporation will undoubtedly prove a hit with those swimming enthusiasts looking to escape the ice and cold of winter, albeit in a radio-active hot zone, or even those preparing themselves mentally and physically for the 2014 Valhalla Basin Winter Galactic Olympics. (Granted they could have had a similar experience swimming in the Methane seas of Titan, Saturn’s moon, but the enticing prospect of basking in the hot zone around the Fukushima N-plant swimming playfully in its radio-active waters is apparently a temptation the Yamamoto Corporation, for reasons best known to themselves, consider too great to endure… well whatever takes your fancy. And extreme tourism can carry its own unique notoriety after all….

This charmingly styled anti-radiation swimwear range, bearing a close resemblance to a deep-sea diver’s wetsuit is designed to protect the intrepid wearer when they take the plunge and enjoy a nice, hot, full-body dip in the radioactive water is made from a bio-rubber material that contains microscopic bubbles – clever little bubbles and not at all like those you find in your snuggly hot bubble bath… oh no, these are special bubbles and deflect almost 100 percent of beta particles. Could get very hot and sticky in there but then again if you insist in swimming in a radioactive hot zone presumably you don’t care…And neither will you mind pretty little price tag for these wetsuits which will set you back ¥150,000 ($1,078)

Anti-Radiation Underwear

So now you’re all hot under the radio-active collar and ready to rock and roll, next up is the Anti-Radiation Underwear

Yes! Out with the thermal undies and in with the anti-radiation undies! Tastefully styled to protect the lower spine and pelvic area, these 7lb beauties – lead infused anti-radiation undies are purpose designed to protect those all-important bits and bobs of you that you really, really really don’t want bombarded with heavy duty radiation Of course they could prove a touch impractical…a little weighty perhaps….possibly bordering on the manically bulky side… but think of the peace of mind these 7.5 lb. undies will give you Block out the majority of those highly radioactive gamma rays…slam the door completely in the face of all those other lesser breeds of ionizing radiation and worry no more! You are wearing your anti-radiation undies! And they will cost you a mere ¥80,850 ($829) A mere drop in the radio-active ocean.

Source:  geek.com